How to recognise a great manager (even if they are not your best friend)
The five overlooked traits that set exceptional leaders apart beyond charisma.
This week I learnt that one of my friends didn’t like their manager very much. But, they also wouldn’t change managers if given the choice. He said: “Look, my manager and I have very little in common, but I know that she has my back in every situation I have needed her and constantly looks to help me progress.”
That got me thinking, and I thought it would be a great topic to ask you too.
Think about your manager for a moment.
Are they someone you would grab a drink with after work?
Maybe they are the type who prefers sticking to the agenda and skipping small talk?
Do you feel they are too direct, but whatever they say, actually makes a lot of sense?
Your manager’s introversion, extroversion, or their ability to make you laugh should not define whether they are great at their job. In fact, judging a manager solely on how well you “click” with them can be misleading. I have seen people leave really good managers in the past because they didn’t know what great really looked like. And it is possible you might be overlooking the same things.
In this post I want to cover 5 traits that might help you identify if you have a great manager (or not).
Lets dive in!
What will we cover in the blog post?
The 5 traits that I believe define great management:
Communication: They connect with clarity and purpose.
Trust: They earn your confidence through consistent and respectful actions.
Support: They balance high standards with genuine care for your growth.
Ownership: They embrace accountability and empower you to do the same.
Self-care: They lead by example, modelling sustainable work habits.
Before you project your work frustrations onto the person trying to guide the team, take a step back. These five traits will help you reflect and determine if you are already working with a great manager, or, at the very least, one who is on the right track.
Communication: the secret sauce of great managers
Have you ever felt like your 1-on-1s with your manager are just glorified status reports? You update them on your tasks, they nod politely, and then a… “Great, keep it up!” (those are the worst, “great keep it up” words). When it’s time to discuss something important (a tricky project, career advice, or even venting about a tough day), you find yourself turning to peers or even other managers. That is a big red flag.
Now, not all communication issues are so obvious. Some subtleties are harder to detect. How can you know if your manager is a truly great communicator? In my experience, there are specific and observable traits that go beyond charisma or personal rapport, and I would like to break them down for you to assess your manager.
They communicate using the comms triumvirate: Clarity, Context and Focus.
A great manager is someone who makes you feel informed, understood, and motivated with every interaction. There can be chit chat, going off tangents and even a bit of ranting, but nearly always, at the very end, she rounds conversations with 3 goals in mind:
Clarity: Instead of a vague “Let me know what you think”, great managers narrow their communication. Changing the phrase to “Let me know what you think about the amount of meetings we have” or “Can you check the logic in the second section of the report and let me know if the numbers align with the model we discussed?” makes a big difference. Clear instructions leave no room for confusion. Don’t confuse this with micromanagement, where every detail is controlled. This is about asking targeted questions that help you focus your energy where it’s most impactful.
Context: A great manager ties everything back to what’s relevant to you. For example, have they ever started a 1-on-1 with, “Hey, last week we talked about your concerns about growing into a role where you’re coding less; how are you feeling about that now?” That’s context in action. They don’t treat every team member the same; they adapt to what matters to you.
Focus: No one likes conversations that meander endlessly. A manager with focus doesn’t waste time and gets to the point. Instead of a vague, “Let’s improve this project” they say, “The client’s priority is speed-to-delivery. Let’s discuss how to adjust the timeline without sacrificing quality.” As you can see the message is clean and crisp.
When your manager hits all three—clarity, context, and focus—you leave conversations feeling equipped, not overwhelmed.
Great communication goes beyond just words.
Communication is a 2 way street. You know that friend who only talks about themselves, only reach out when it fits their schedule or change opinions quite often? Well, they are your friend… so, you live with that. But your manager shouldn’t make you feel that way. In order to master the comms triumvirate, managers have to act in accordance to their words.
They make time for you: Have you ever felt hesitant to book a meeting with your manager, worrying you will be seen as a bother? With great managers, that feeling doesn’t exist. They might say, “I can’t meet today, but let’s block 30 minutes tomorrow—I want to make sure we cover this properly.” They balance being accessible without dropping everything immediately.
They check in regularly: Weekly check-ins or 1-on-1s are standard, but what makes them great is when they are tailored. Have you ever had a manager adjust your cadence, saying, “If weekly feels like too much, let’s move to every other week. I want to make sure these meetings are useful for you”?
They listen (really listen): You know those moments where you are explaining a challenge, and your manager interrupts with their own take? That is not active listening. A great manager lets you finish, then follows up with something like, “It sounds like the biggest blocker here is time. What would help you manage this workload better?” They listen with the intent to help, not just to respond.
Take a moment to reflect
A great manager asks questions, listen carefully, and follow through. If your manager’s communication leaves you feeling supported, informed, and confident, you are working with someone who knows what they’re doing.
Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
General George S. Patton
Trust: the backbone of a solid relationship
I live far from the office, and meeting the required work-from-the-office policy was tough (family health and new born kids were the main reasons). I have always been a consistent high performer, but I knew I needed to have a difficult conversation with my manager about my situation. Her response was simple but powerful: “Don’t worry, you come in when you can, and I’ll take care of the rest.” The key part is that she followed through. It felt amazing. It wasn’t just about the flexibility. It was about knowing my manager trusted me enough to make that arrangement work, without needing constant oversight. These moments are what built my blind trust in her.
Trust is not always about grand gestures. Sometimes it’s the small, consistent actions that build a foundation of trust; actions that show they value your time, your work, and ultimately, your growth. When you have a manager you can truly trust, you feel more confident, secure, and ultimately more productive.
But how do you really know if you trust your manager? Is it just a gut feeling? Or are there specific, observable behaviours that define what trust really looks like in a leadership role? In my experience, there are three major traits that define trust in a manager.
Consistency builds trust
“Trust is built in drops and lost in buckets”. Think of trust like a bank account. Every time your manager delivers on a promise, follows through, or shows up for a tough conversation, it’s like they’re making a deposit. But if they fail to do what they say, that’s a withdrawal. For example:
Does your manager keep promises, big or small? If they say “can we chat about that on Friday? I’d rather have 1 full hour to discuss this”, they do. If you touch upon the topic of a promotion and they say “my current view is that you are in the right track, and believe that we can plan for it in the space of 12-18 months”, they work towards it. Over time, you start to believe that what they say matters.
Does your manager show up in tough times? When things get chaotic, a good manager is there. In stressful situations, when deadlines are tight, or when morale dips, a manager who is consistently present shows their true commitment to the team. They lead by example and help steady the ship when the waves are high.
Does your manager provide support without being asked? Trust is often built not only through action but also through anticipation. When your manager sees you are struggling or need extra help, they offer support before you have to ask for it. Maybe they notice you have been quieter in meetings and ask, “Hey, I wanted to check in—everything okay? How can I support you?” They are not waiting for you to show weakness or ask for help. Proactive support builds a sense of security.
Consistency forms the foundation of trust, but it’s not just about reliability. A trustworthy manager also knows when to keep things to themselves.
Trust is about what they don’t share
A great manager doesn’t just build trust with their actions; they also protect it by keeping confidences. Over a year, you will likely have dozens of conversations with your manager. Personal problems or team dynamics often come up during these discussions. You trust your manager with that information. A manager who knows what can or can’t be shared builds an atmosphere where team members feel safe. They use this information to empower and develop their people.
Think about it: would you trust your manager if you were considering a new job? Would you feel comfortable saying, “I’ve been thinking about other opportunities. Is there something I’m missing here, or should I explore this further?” A trustworthy manager might respond with: “Let’s talk about this. Is there anything I can do to make your role more fulfilling? And if you decide to move on, I’m happy to help however I can.” This simple re-framing cuts through any personal biases or feelings you might have toward your manager and instead reveals their ability to handle something you value (like your career and development).
This scenario reveals a lot. It’s not just about confidentiality, it’s about how your manager values your growth, even if it means losing you.
Trust those who are good to people who can’t do anything for them
One of the simplest ways to gauge trustworthiness is by observing how your manager treats people who can’t offer them anything in return.
Leadership is a demanding role that requires constant interaction with lots people, many of whom might not seem immediately important. Yet, a manager who takes the time to treat everyone with respect, regardless of what they can gain, is demonstrating true trustworthiness.
For example, you see this manager go out of their way to help people who can't directly help them back. They talk to the intern the same way they talk to the VP. They are kind to those who don’t have the same direct influence over their career. A manager who treats everyone with respect—regardless of status—shows that they value people for who they are, not for what they can provide.
This shows something fundamental about their character: they value humanity and respect over transactional relationships. It also shows that they are likely well-balanced mentally and emotionally—because managing people is tough, and yet, they manage to maintain positivity even when there is nothing in it for them. This kind of consistency, especially when there’s nothing to gain, is the mark of someone who truly understands how to lead with trust.
Take a moment to reflect
If your manager’s actions consistently make you feel secure, valued, and supported—even in difficult times—you are working with someone who understands the true foundation of leadership. Trust is earned, not assumed, and great managers prove it every day.
You can’t build a reputation on what you are going to do.
Henry Ford.
Support: the definition of a manager’s job
Scenario 1: A team member is juggling multiple deadlines, staring at their to-do list like it’s a game of whack-a-mole. A mediocre manager might toss out generic advice like, “Just prioritise!” But a great manager steps in and says, “Let’s figure this out together—what can I do to help?”
Scenario 2: A team member is struggling with impostor syndrome on a high-stakes project. A great manager doesn’t dismiss it with, “You’ll be fine!” Instead, they sit down and say, “I see how much effort you are putting into this. Let’s review what you have done so far—your work is excellent, and I am here if you need support to keep going.”
That’s what support looks like: not vague advice, but actionable help when it matters most. However, support is a pretty vague concept. It is thrown out in the wild without clear examples. Let’s break it down.
The right support requires the right context
Support isn’t about treating everyone the same. One size fits… well, no one. The best managers know this and adapt their approach to the individual:
For some, support might mean flexibility—helping them balance work with personal life when things get overwhelming.
For others, it’s a challenge—a carefully calibrated nudge to stretch beyond their comfort zone and grow into their potential.
Or sometimes, it’s practical: having a senior colleague review their technical work or guiding them through a tough project step-by-step.
A great manager knows that the same solution won’t work for everyone. They assess what each person needs and respond accordingly.
True support = high standards + genuine care
Support doesn’t mean lowering the bar. On the contrary, the best managers hold their teams to high standards because they believe in their potential. Very few people genuinely enjoy sitting around, doing easy work, and not being challenged (and if easy work is your thing, no judgment—just know your manager sees more in you than you might in yourself). Imagine your manager saying: “This project is going to push you—it’s a step up, but I know you are ready for it. Let’s break it down together, and I will be here if you need guidance along the way.” Wouldn’t that really motivate you?
Great managers don’t set unachievable goals, and if the pressure is on, they stand alongside the team, helping where necessary. For instance, during a crunch period, they might say: “The timeline is tight, but let’s focus on what’s critical and get it done. I will handle the client communication, and we can adjust as needed—just keep me updated on blockers.”
By definition, pushing the individual or the team a bit over the line, means that failure will sometimes happen. Have you ever heard your manager say: “Okay, this didn’t work as we hoped, but let’s analyse what happened and take those lessons into the next project. I’m proud of the risks you took. It’s how we innovate.”
When managers create an environment where people aren’t afraid of failure, where they know they will have your support… they feel empowered to push the boundaries. That’s where real progress happens.
Take a moment to reflect
In the end, support isn’t about doing someone’s job for them (that is cold handholding). It is about making them feel like they can do it well. It is about creating a culture where challenges are met with confidence, growth is encouraged, and success feels like a shared achievement.
If you have had the luck of working with a manager who has demonstrated high standards, genuine care, and unwavering support, then you already know the difference it makes. For those still searching for that kind of leadership—don’t settle. Great managers exist, and the best ones will help you discover strengths you didn’t even know you had.
People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.
Maya Angelou
Ownership: where leadership begins
Ownership is a tricky word. If you read the dictionary, it is defined as “the state or fact of being an owner” or “legal right of possession; proprietorship”. Now, what do you or your manager actually own at work? In my case, I own outcomes. Have we delivered as a team? Are individuals on my team being promoted? What’s the attrition rate?
Because I don’t own anything physical, I define ownership as embracing accountability of whatever happens. It is making sure I set clear expectations for myself, my team and my stakeholders to create a culture where responsibility is shared but never shirked. Building this culture is not easy, but every time I have seen it work, it all started from the lower foundational level: the manager.
The ownership inverted pyramid
There are 3 levels in our pyramid: foundations, growth and scalability.
Ownership works like an inverted pyramid, with three key levels: Foundations, Growth, and Scalability. The reason why the pyramid is inverted is because, 1 single person - the team lead - can make or break growth and scalability in the team. Without she embracing ownership, there are little chances for the team to succeed.
Foundations come from the manager.
If you have ever played or watched team sports, you know that the coach doesn’t score goals or dunks the ball. Yet, they are accountable for outcomes. A manager can’t say, “the team dropped the ball” without acknowledging that they, too, had a role in the fumble. To make it tangible, imagine 2 scenarios.
In the first, your team lead opens the team meeting with a “I’m sorry, we have had too many priority changes in the last 2 months, and that is my fault. I would like your input on the effort required for each task we have. Once we have clarified that, I’ll make sure we only pick three and communicate this to our stakeholders”. That’s ownership in action—acknowledging mistakes and working with the team to move forward. Isn’t that a hell of an ownership example?
The second scenario you might not experience in person, as it might happen behind closed doors. It is the moment when your team lead is defending the team from stakeholder questioning: “I understand your frustrations with our slow progress, but it’s not because the folks are slacking off. In fact, they are putting in the hours. The issue is how I have prioritised work, but also, how much pressure myself and the team are receiving from the execs. The team and I have pulled an estimation of effort for everything we have been asked to do. Could we work together to establish a clear prioritisation roadmap?” Again, that is the sort of manager I would love to have.
Growth depends on the individuals.
For the manager, ownership means stepping up when things go wrong and shielding the team when external pressures mount. However, this doesn’t absolve the team of responsibility. Great managers ask for accountability in return. If a manager is shielding the team from pressure or investing the team in your growth, it is fair for your manager to expect an equivalent amount of effort in return.
You might not like the expectations set upon you. But, if you are in a team where everyone knows what is expected from them and can clearly state the definition of done, then you are probably in the hands of a great manager.
Also, what does your manager do when the team has a great win or consistently deliver? Do they take credit for it? Hey, they take the hit for when things go wrong, why shouldn’t they do the same for when everything goes great… Or, do they put the limelight on you/the team and avoid it themselves?
You might find this uncomfortable. However, embrace it. Your manager is trying to give you the chance to of recognition with the goal of growth.
Scalability and success happens at the team level.
When managers model accountability and create a structure for ownership, the ripple effect extends to the team. This is where the dynamic shifts. Employees feel empowered to take initiative, knowing they have the framework to guide them. The team understands that success and failure are shared responsibilities.
My personal example is when I went for paternity leave for 4 months (yes, in Spain we have that kind of paternity leave). The team understood that the shield-umbrella was gone, and that it was on them to deliver. They owned parts of the process that they didn’t before (status updates, pushing back on requests, etc). When I came back, our Q3 deliverables had been achieved, and only bigger strategic conversations had still to be covered, but it was the team’s ownership to had kept the boat steady. That’s what happens when a team embraces ownership—it becomes scalable.
Take a moment to reflect
Ownership is the foundation of effective leadership. It starts with the manager, extends to the individuals, and scales to the team. If you have worked with a manager who embraces ownership, acknowledging their mistakes, shielding the team, and sharing success; you know how transformative it can be. You are in great hands.
Responsibility is the thing people dread most of all. Yet it is the only thing in the world that develops us.
Frank Crane
Take care of themselves too
Do you know why flight attendants remind you to “put your mask on first before helping others”? It’s because, if others depend on you, you cant risk not being prepared to help them. Of course, management is not about life threatening situations, but the idea still applies. A manager who neglects their own well-being can’t effectively support or lead a team.
Burnout isn’t a badge of honour
Some managers work crazy hard: late nights, endless emails, skipped lunches. Some do it because they feel its the only way to prove their value and others because they find it difficult to delegate or say-no. Regardless, the end product is an exhausted individual.
And the truth is that a burnt-out leader isn’t an inspiring one.
If a manager is stressed, overworked, or perpetually unavailable, it sets the tone for the team. People mirror leadership behaviours—if you are running on fumes, they will too. However, a well-rested, emotionally balanced manager makes better decisions, handles conflict with grace, and fosters a calmer work environment. Imagine that your manager openly talks about not even having time for lunch: "Last week, I realised I was skipping lunch almost every day to keep up with meetings. I’ve started blocking 30 minutes for myself to step away, and it’s been a game-changer. If you ever feel like your schedule is overwhelming, let’s talk and figure out ways to make it more manageable—it’s important to me that you have the time you need to recharge too."
If you see your manager is taking care of herself, don’t judge her as being selfish. Taking care of yourself is a prerequisite for leading effectively.
Setting boundaries
Great managers show their teams how to balance hard work with self-care. This isn’t just about avoiding emails at 10 p.m. (though that helps); it’s about being intentional with time and boundaries.
This is what I tell my teams and stakeholders: "I have blocked out my calendar from 4:00 to 8:00 p.m. for school run, bath and dinner with the family. If there is something really urgent, let me know, but otherwise, let’s discuss it the next day. Or if you prefer, send it across and I will read it asynchronously early morning or later in the evening."
Leaders who protect their time, will understand how important is that their team members also protect theirs. A great example during work hours is when manager respects your blocked out “focus time”.
Take a moment to reflect
A great manager knows that leadership starts with self-leadership. By taking care of themselves, they set the tone for the team, demonstrating that well-being and success go hand in hand.
If your manager encourages balance, models healthy work habits —whatever that looks like for both of you— and respects your boundaries, you are working with someone who truly gets it.
You can do anything, but not everything.
David Allen
Summary
Don’t judge your manager based on their title or charisma. Judge them on the actions they take on a day-to-day basis with you and those around you. Communication, trust, support, ownership, and self-care are the pillars of exceptional leadership.
Communication: They make every interaction meaningful with clarity, context, and focus, ensuring you leave conversations equipped and confident.
Trust: They earn trust through consistent actions, confidentiality, and treating everyone with respect, regardless of status.
Support: They provide actionable help tailored to your needs while maintaining high standards and fostering growth.
Ownership: They embrace accountability, shielding the team from external pressures while empowering individuals to take responsibility.
Self-care: They model healthy boundaries and sustainable work habits, setting the tone for a balanced and productive team culture.
Take a final moment to reflect
Does your manager embody these traits? If so, take a moment to appreciate the positive impact they have on your growth and well-being. If not, consider what steps you can take to start an open dialogue—great managers often want to improve, too.
Now, I want to hear from you!
📢 Have you ever worked with a manager who didn’t seem like your best friend but turned out to be one of the best leaders you have had?
What was the one trait or action that made you realise they were exceptional?
Or, have you ever underestimated a manager at first, only to later recognise their impact on your growth? What changed your perspective?
If you are a manager yourself, what is one underrated leadership trait you have learned to value over time?
Drop your thoughts in the comments! I wouldd love to hear your stories and insights. Let’s make this a conversation.👇
Further reading
If you are interested in more content, here is an article capturing all my written blogs!
Great post - this is thought-provoking for ICs and also a good compass for managers too!